Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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