i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
