Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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