People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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