im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
