Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
