I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
