I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
