Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
