I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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