There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
