I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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