he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
