so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
