I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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