today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
