Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I fill condoms, not promises.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
