Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
