I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Dignity is for republicans.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
