i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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