i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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