Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
