I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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