he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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