GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
