My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
