She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
