I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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