I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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