i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
