Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
