just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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