Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
