you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Little spoons don't ask big questions
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I have post one night stand depression
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
