Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
