Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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