I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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