there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
