I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
