it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize