walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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