we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
