trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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