Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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