OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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