So drunk its hurt
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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