Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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