Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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