u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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