yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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