he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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