We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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