sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
