i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
