he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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