I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
i need some magic done to my vagina
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
