Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
