If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
