question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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