you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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