you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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