Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
