Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
