i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
she looked like the before picture.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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