i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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