plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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