i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My penis needs a shock collar
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize