I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize