Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
