if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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