I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
