God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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